“Schemeployees” of the month

(Image from www.ibspro.net)

To maximize the efficiency of employees, managers usually come up with the award "star crew," "employee of the month," "sales superstar," etc. Usually, whoever wins the award shall receive tokens, gift certificates or even cash money. This method was proven to be helpful to many companies and institutions because their employees become more motivated, efficient and effective. But of course, if there’s ying, there is yang. If there's a hero, there's got to be a villain. Hey, there should be balance, right? So, if companies and organizations have the employee of the month, chances are, they also have the… Schemeployee of the month.

The cocoons

These people have a talent to do a metamorphosis. One minute their dozing off, doing nothing but hey, they are still getting paid! On cue, the moment their boss or supervisor spots them, they throw off their cocoons and transform into beautiful butterflies who work had. “Yes Sir, Mam. I did what you asked me to do. I’ve filed it, printed, etc.”  Snap back to reality when the moment their boss leaves. They go back to their cocoons and become worms again. One good thing to do to these cocoons is feed them good leaves filled with motivation and of course, enough compensation. Still, this is not a guarantee that they'll blossom as butterflies.

Harvesters

Any company who hires these types of employee better keep an eye on their comfort rooms for missing tissue supplies. If the Harvester is sitting beside your cubicle, make sure your coins are glued on your pocket and that your office supplies are engraved with your whole name. The moment you step out to run some errands or head somewhere, your stuff is on the brink of extinction! However, they are bound to come back after a few days. “Hey, isn’t that my tissue roll? I believe that’s mine 'coz I recognize my snot.”

Time card favorites

Check out the time card of these people! They are full of double marks and tampering. Wonder why? If the company’s call time for employees is 8 a.m, expect the time card favorites to arrive at 9 a.m. One good thing about these people is that they are the security guard’s best friend. But in meetings and conferences, don't expect them to be on time. 

Corrupt

These people are not thankful enough when they are hired. Their modus? They use the internet, fax, scanner, and many other office supplies to print out paper works that are remotely related to the company. It's probably their kids' project. Do these people even have computers, papers or any office supplies in their home? That’s a big doubt because for one, they get the most out of what they can get from their office. Even something as mundane as tissue papers! Hey, who can blame them? Inflation is here. These people are probably just... well, hungry.

Goldfish mouths

Skillful indeed! They know everyone’s whereabouts, the who’s and everybody's darkest secret. Public relations officer? No they’re not. Thing is, one must not have any relation to her because by befriending the Goldfish mouths, your secret is bound to become public property afterwards. 

Powder chows

The powder chow’s cubicle is advisable to be placed beside the comfort and powder room. Every hour, every minute, they are applying unidentified paints on their faces. Maybe they need it to charm their way out of their boss. Who knows? Their painted faces might be eyed on by the CEO and the president. But don’t expect these people to know too much about proposals, marketing and such. If they do, it’s a bonus but if they don’t, shove the mirror in their faces. Please.

Truants

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(The space is intentionally left blank, just like the truants' presence)